Conan - Lord of the Mount

British publisher Titan Books began licensing Robert E. Howard's Conan character from Heroic Signatures in 2022. The publisher has been very active in printing a new series of Conan the Barbarian comics and The Savage Sword of Conan magazine. In addition, the publisher has thrust the character into novels and novellas like S.M. Stirling's Blood of the Serpent. In 2023 the publisher launched a series of ebook short stories dedicated to Conan and other characters like Solomon Kane and Belit titled Heroic Legends. The first of the stories was Conan: Lord of the Mount, published in September 2023 as an ebook and authored by Stephen Graham Jones (Night of the Mannequins, I Was a Teenage Slasher).

In this 23-page story, Conan awakens as a cow is licking his face. He has no clear memory of what has happened to him other than he was engaged in battle with the Two Kings' army. A cattle farmer named Jen Ro is nearby and he explains that he thought Conan was another sacrifice to something called Lord of the Mount. Jen Ro then uses some sort of magical black lotus to cut a piece of steak from a live cow. Weird. Just weird.

Jen Ro advises Conan that if he will ride with him and the cattle through a mountain pass then he will bring him to the fabled village of Trinnecerl where “your cup will never run dry”. The catch is that Conan will kill this aggravating creature deemed Lord of the Mount. 

The duo venture through the pass and Conan fights the creature(s). He learns that Jen Ro had a reason for leading him to the creature and the reader is left with this very forgettable story. 

Needless to say, this may be one of the worst Conan stories I've read this far. It was shocking to me considering that Stephen Graham Jones, a quality writer, wrote this kind of uninspired drivel. While I've read some mixed reviews of these new Titan shorts, I had no idea that it would be this underwhelming. Or, how someone like Jones became involved in this. He clearly has no understanding of the Conan character. An example would be in this scene when the creature claws Conan's stomach: “Conan screamed, rolled away, and when he came down it was to nearly impale himself on the faint purple horns of a long-dead cow or bull.” Two words - “Conan screamed”. That doesn't happen. 

Conan's dialogue and mannerisms fail to match what fans have come to expect from the mighty Cimmerian. Granted, every author has a unique perspective on the characteristics and traits, but they should still have a uniform scope to preserve the integrity of the character and series. Despite the identification issues, the story just isn't that interesting. 

Conan: Lord of the Mount is nothing short of abysmal. Even at the $2 price point it isn't worth the pixels it possesses.