Dead White

The back cover of Alan Ryan's horror novel Dead White contains blurbs from fine authors like Peter Straub, Stephen King, and Whitley Strieber applauding the book. Here's news for you – they never read this book! It's not even remotely plausible that these talented wordsmiths read a single word of this lousy unedited poorly constructed excuse for a horror novel. If they read one chapter of this book they would have unanimously panned it as amateur nonsense. Somehow, Alan Ryan was able to get this novel through Tor's editing department, which clearly had no input as to the novel's structure, basic plot outline, or any pedestrian passerby say in what the cover should be. This book is absolutely horrible and somehow Tor allowed these 356 pages to escape a destiny of pulverized packing materials.

The book (using the term sparingly) is set in a rural upstate New York town called The Kill. Ironically, this is the same town featured in Ryan's first novel, the equally deadpan Hall of Shame-winner cleverly titled The Kill. A blizzard of epic proportions is hitting the town and most of the residents decide to seek shelter in the Centennial Hotel. The Kill haven't had a train in town for decades and the railroad station and tracks are abandoned now. But, a train of carnival clowns has just rolled up to create mayhem for The Kill. 

Anyone with any sense of storytelling talent can easily make this book work. It seems so simple. The town is sheltered in the Centennial Hotel. The carnival clowns show up and hunt the residents in the hotel's hallways and rooms. It would have been a wonderful survival horror novel with a handful of characters fighting the clowns while trapped in a blizzard. Would have. Could have. Should have. But, Alan Ryan doesn't do any of that. No, he completely circumvents this entire plot device to focus on day to day activities of the residents. Each chapter is the time of the day. For example, the chapter is 8:42 A.M. and a character that has no impact on the book's resolution or plot is making coffee and eating breakfast. That's it! Then the next time, a few minutes later, will be another character walking to the mailbox or tying their shoe. Nothing happens in the book until the last couple of pages – as senseless as they are.

I could make a half-hour video on how bad this book really is. I'm close to a comparison with Roadblaster, Swampmaster, or TNT as the epitome of negativity when it comes to vintage paperback fiction. Dead White is darn close to being one of the worst published books ever written. But, I'm propping it a few notches above the above-mentioned titles simply because the book would have worked in the hands of an actual author and an editor that didn't call in sick the week this pile of wood shavings somehow assembled into this disasterpiece of fiction. Alan Ryan – fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on you again. Damnit. Hall of Shame. Absolutely. If you want to purchase this drivel do it HERE so I can at least make a few cents off this hackjob.